This winter has been hard. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this out of control, but it’s as exhausting as I remembered. The dry heaving, the racing heart, the upset stomach, the lack of appetite, the binge eating, the mood swings, the wanting to fall into the nearest river and not swim back to the top. Even when life is objectively good, things can feel so bad.
Hopefully, tomorrow changes things because I’m going on my honeymoon.
If I ever saw myself going on a honeymoon, it would have been to France. For Richie, Japan. Ultimately, it didn’t feel right to do either of those things. We should experience this part of our life together, including going somewhere neither of us has. When looking at places, it came down to Amsterdam (which we wanted to do before the pandemic) or Germany.
Richie has always wanted to go to Germany during Christmastime because of the markets. Something to do with a video he saw once of a man walking around with a loaf of bread poking out of a canvas bag? I’ve never been, so it’s a good reason. Once I saw that we could take a train tour through the country, I was sold. I freaking love trains.
We will fly to Paris tomorrow night, then to Vienna. Our trains will go to Frankfurt, Cologne, Munich, and Berlin. My brother is there with his new wife, and we’ll see some Bond House friends, too. It has all the makings of a memorable trip. So now, on the eve of my honeymoon, I’m scrambling to feel okay. What does that look like? Feeling present with my husband, enjoying the sights, staying off my phone, and tasting our meals.
There’s nothing to do but enjoy. As we move from city to city, I plan on posting a little write-up to help catalog the experience because there are few things as bad for memory as depression. Here’s hoping that you’ll come along for the ride.
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